Safety Equipment

Dateline: 06/20/00

We've all taken a fall. I took my last with a fwoomp a few months ago while trying to swing like tarzan from a hefty vine I happened upon in Atlanta, but that's irrelevant. Let's move on and be honest. It hurts to fall down. We don't want to crash, what with that pesky gravity and all. Yet, even the greatest, most experienced skater can slip up every once in a while so you should try to be prepared.

Don't attempt to skate unless you buy a set of pads. If you fail to do this, you'll likely spend more time broken and bound than you do on your board perfecting your art and that's just no good. There are too few skaters out there as it is so if you get taken out, what are the rest of us left with? We can't have our numbers waning.

We especially don't need anymore bozos telling us that skateboarding is no good because it "bramages the dain." So, instead of some macho, pseudo-daring attempt at bravado, trying to show your luv interest that you're made of steel and are somehow cooler than cool because you choose to ride kamikaze thereby exposing your bare skull and bones to the concrete and risking a vegetable life where you are no longer able to walk or talk or take care of yourself, please obtain the proper equipment.

This is what you'll need, in order of importance:

Brain Buckets

In order to avoid the brain squish you'll need to wear a helmet. This is serious business folks. The messed hair is grossly preferable to the damaged brain. Your helmet will need to be wiped out after every session to avoid future itching and scalp problems caused by dirt and sweat saturation. Get one, wear one and don't neglect it.

Wrist Guards

These are key, especially if you are a larger person. The first thing anybody does when they're about to hit the ground is to put out their hands and brace for the fall. This little instinct meant to absorb the impact can lead abruptly to broken bones. If you would rather hold them together I suggest you invest in a set.

Knee Pads

Be sure your knee pads have a plastic cap for sliding over surfaces and dispersing the impact when you need to bail. Busted knees aren't any fun and can keep you out of the game for weeks and weeks...and weeks. Avoid this. Buy some pads. In order to circumvent the indescribable stench of sweaty grime and growing bacteria I highly recommend washing your pads. Yes, do us all this major favor and try not to reek.

Elbow pads

These pads don't need to be quite as protective as the knee pads. Just make sure they're good enough to protect from scrapes and bruises. Also, take care that they are a snug fit so they'll stay on during a fall.

Gloves

The time might arise when you'll want to slide your board and drag your hands behind you. This obviously should not be done where flesh meets asphault. Gloves are a handy tool, but you can use your best judgement in seeking to acquire them. Beyond the equipment, be aware of your limitations and never skate above your skill level. As the years progress you will become more adept at your sport, you'll gain balance, better technique and a better feel for the board. Don't be a fool and rush into things for which you are not fully prepared for they will surely come with time. Be safe. Skate well. That is all.